i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
