Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish there were birth control emojis
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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