when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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