I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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