I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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