was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
