she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
