Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
