I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
