Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
