I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
