I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
