The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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