kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
