she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
