There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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