I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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