Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
