If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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