i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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