I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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