It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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