I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bring me that man meat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
