just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im six kinds of drunk right now
I cut my penus on the lid.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
