My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
