No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
