You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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