who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
