My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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