I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
