we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
