there's paper in my vomit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You ruined the universe
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
