She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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