so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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