I met the friendliest cop last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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