Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
