I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
