I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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