Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
