dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
