i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
