I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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