Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
