How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
