I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Houston, we have a blender
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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