I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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