My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
