woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
