i don't like sucking hair
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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