How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
