I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
