I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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