That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
