My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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