My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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