Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
